Diplomatic Tip 37 - Don’t Ever Hug the Border Guard

So now we're pulled over by the Lithuanian border guard, and as I said, we're both still trying not to laugh. He wants to check the back of the van. Jonathan jumps out quickly, eager to make a good impression. I'm still trying not to laugh but realise I need to be 'serious' for a little while longer. I give it a couple of seconds and when I just about have it suppressed I step out the van as well to head round the back and see what's going on. The guard has looked in the back of the van, seen all the circus kit, and decided that he really has better things to do than search it all. He's just said we can go. Jonathan is taking him by the hand, shaking it vigorously and saying "I'm very glad to be visiting your country" while grinning manically. I simply added a "Thank you" and turned and as nonchalantly as I could manage for a man about to burst into a fit of laughter, climbed back into the van. Jonathan got back in, started the engine, and we drove off into Lithuania. We'd gone about thirty yards when with mild sarcasm I said, "you were very cool there". Still grinning manically, Jonathan confessed "I wanted to hug him".

At that point any attempts I’d been making to suppress the fit of giggles failed dismally and I burst out laughing. "I think it's probably for the best that you didn't" I managed between fits of laughter, and then shook the gorilla by the paw (it's not a euphemism), and we headed into Lithuania to the tune of 'Me mind on fire, Me soul on fire, feelin’ hot hot hot ...'

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